Baby Blues

Baby blues are a seemingly inevitable part of having a baby. All the pregnancy books talk about them. With each of my babies, about a week after they were born I had one good sobbing meltdown. After the first, I explained to Adam that a big part of it was hormonal. With pregnancy hormones crashing and mom hormones surging, if I hadn't just had a baby I would be on medication for a hormonal imbalance. Add to that all of the life changes and responsibilities of having a new baby, and the occasional tears are to be expected. A couple of weeks ago, it occured to me that with Alessia my tears were generally about my fears that I couldn't care for Alessia. With Olivia, my tears have been generally about my fears that I can't care for Alessia. Olivia will be fine. I know that, because I know from caring for Alessia that the tough newborn stuff passes. It's Alessia that is having a hard time right now. I know that she will adjust, but right now it is very difficult for her and for me. I miss playing with her as much as she misses playing with me. Today she tried to give me a full body hug, and I had to stop her, because the only way I could get Olivia to sleep this morning was in a sling. Last night she was having a bath with Adam, and I mentioned to Adam that I was "going to get her ready for bed," meaning Olivia. Alessia thought I was referring to her and started crying and clinging to Adam. I am simply not welcome at bed time anymore, and that's hard. I know that as the next few months pass, and Olivia does not need every moment of my attention any more, I will be able to reconnect with Alessia. Until then though I still may have a few moments of the "baby blues."

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